Friday, August 30, 2019

He Gives & Takes Away

Treatment for Unidentifiable Influenza [not H1N1] (Sept)
Treatment for walking pneumonia/bronchitis (Aug)
Treatment for Migraines/bone spurs (July)

THE STRUGGLE IS REAL
So... often we only see 
the polished best versions of our life,
As though filtered through the ideal.
Truth is. Life is Hard, and
there are multiple fronts that we Battle
almost on a daily basis.

a Pool full of Sweat Tea? Now that would be tasty,
or it is a Pool full of  Rusty Water - I GIVE UP!!!

For me (Phil) Physically= I've been set back
For nearly 3 years now.
I have a pretty high pain threshold, 
but I've come to the end of myself weekly.
I've been doctoring Chronic Migraines 
from one experiment after another, 
still there is no end in sight.
Emotionally, Spiritually, Psychologically =
I CONFESS relationships / expectations /
entitlement / pride / lust are weekly wars.
Though I find incredible victory in Jesus,
The battle leaves me wounded & scarred.
Don't misread me, I'm NOT hopeless, 
But in seasons of weariness
 I long for Sabbath/Rest/Eternal Home

AND SO, IM TESTED...
And the test comes down to, 
Do I believe, do I trust that 
God has my good in mind,
Even when life is really really really hard?

Ugh, the work is daunting, 
like prepping for winter.

When we feel like we are living in 
the biblical persona of Job, 
the test and temptation is
to second guess God...

May I / May we say & trust
"That he gives & takes away,
Blessed be the name of the Lord"

Though we don't understand 
God's purposes in the test,
I'm resolved to Trust Him,
Knowing His ways are best.
"though He Slay me, 
yet will I Trust in Him,
(Hope in) Him," ~ Job 13:15
and I (Phil) wish not to defend my ways before him...